December 12, 2020

Surrendering to the Gods…my journey into old age continues apace…

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:32 am by Aleksan

Last night I lay flat on my back in bed from 4 pm to 8 am – interrupted by slow and cumbersome visits to the bathroom. This morning finds me sitting downstairs- for breakfast just an Aymes nutritional shake. For lunch I must eat something – hope I can manage a small portion of something.

My journey into old age continues apace. I have become more dependent, less able to be in charge of my life. In the past I could usually command my body, but now I have to take orders from it.
I have started low dose Amitriptyline for my back ache, first dose last night,and this may have taken the edge of the pain, but I am weaker, more prone to falls. These falls occur suddenly, and I am down with a crash. Then I have to climb back up, a painful process.

Days are more and more focussed on my disability – I need a Rollator to get about inside the house, and have not been out for days. I often feel that the Gods are playing with me, like a cat does with a mouse. I know that I have to surrender, and this experience was one my Ancestors had to go through.

The stripping away of Ego and dignity – easier to accept intellectually than emotionally, but why should I be different from others? This is a journey that we all have to take sooner or later…

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