August 10, 2017

The self destructive urge that prevents success

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:17 am by Aleksan

I find myself contemplating the self destructive side we all have – Freud called it Thanatos. So many able people fear success and they undermine themselves and make sure it does not happen. Time and time again I have found that those with difficult childhood experience, attachment disorders, in adult life appear confident but underneath they are anxious and maybe depressed too. Instead of showing anger they turn their feelings on themselves and end up destroying the things they do best or even themselves. This can take the form of alcohol or drug abuse, relationship conflict or at its most extreme suicide. We all have these urges within us to some extent, but mostly suppress them and the gains of our lives outweigh the losses and we grow in confidence. But many are scared of the gains, fearing they will be lost again – so actually pre-empt these loses, and when they appear to be succeeding, they mess up. It takes many years for such people to feel good about themselves and let them selves succeed not just in the eyes of others, but in their own eyes. It means taking risks and not running away from issues at the crucial moment. It can be done but often it is not done and some people live lives of quiet desperation, never quite believing in themselves, and never fulfilling the amazing goals they are actually capable of.

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