June 10, 2010

Some amusing musings…

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:50 am by aleksan

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.. – Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible – George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. – Alex Levine My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. – Rodney Dangerfield
Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. – Spike Milligan Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . – Joe Namath I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. – W. C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. – Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist’ s diet: – If it tastes good spit it out.

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